Royal Octopi from Outer Space

A mural in the Pit of 100 Trials of Super Paper Mario.

Tentacled aliens are sci-fi cliché, but in the Mario series – across four games, no less – they are given the flair of old nobility, painting a story of a succession of cosmic empires, each one rising, declining, and fading into myth.

King Kaliente was the first to appear as a member of these tribes in Super Mario Galaxy. He is the ruler of the Octoombas and their ilk, which include “brown, red, and blue subspecies,” according to the series of promotional trading cards released alongside the game. Unfortunately for us, the cards offer more confusion than insight into the Octoomba taxa and their ranks. Octoombas are described as “Electrogoombas” – despite not having any apparent affinity for electricity – and are explicitly described as a class of “alien Goombas” which are “adapted for space.” Why, then, is King Kaliente described as a “Blooper-octopus boss” on his own card? 

King Kaliente in his digs during his appearance on MTV Cribs.

Obviously the trading card descriptions are somewhat unreliable. Octoombas are adapted for space, and yet do not appear to be more obviously suited to space than regular old Goombas. They are described as “amphibious” but both King Kaliente and the brown Roctos are clearly suited for lava-filled environs. Are they recent allies of Bowser or are they a branch of Goombakind that separated from terrestrial Goombas in the distant past and have established a civilization in space?

In the sequel, we meet the heir apparent to the Octoomba throne, Prince Pikante. Presumably the son of King Kaliente, Pikante improves on his father’s simple crown and Taftian mustache with a cape – and a war machine! Snugly mounted in a wooden tank, the young prince outwardly models the latest in Octoomba warfare in a show of military capability. The intended effect is, however, undercut by the inescapable impression one gets that he is compensating for a sickly, Habsburg-esque physique, inflicted living far away from the warm glow of his native space lava.

Spriters Resource reveals all.

Poor Prince Pikante is a signal that the Octoomba dynasty is withering on the vine, in spite of its vehicular advancements: its subjects dwell among ruins, its leadership is thinly spread across an empire of intergalactic proportions, and its dead – the even-more-ludicrous Octoboos – have begun to outnumber the living in certain regions of spacetime.

While the Octoomba Empire sinks into a long decay among the stars, the Lanceurs of Super Mario Odyssey are instead quite a young race. Seemingly native to Bubblaine, the Gushen species appear to broken free of planetary gravity quite naturally thanks to their propulsion capabilities. Their empire on the planet of the Mushroom Kingdom is astonishingly robust – the local Bubblaine noble, Brigadier Mollusque-Lanceur III, is not even a king but merely a Dauphin, with a military role to boot.

How does a cephalopod have hair, you say? You should know better than to ask these questions.

The extensive reach implied by the existence of Mollusque-Lanceur, coupled with his ornate dress and intelligible speech, has covered at least the first major milestone on the way to its space empire; that is, reaching the Moon. The Astro-Lanceurs are a hardy best-of-the-best breed of Gushen armored with specialized weaponry mounted to their heads, far more advanced than any rudimentary Octoomba device. Their existence on the Moon paints a portrait of an empire in expansion, bolstered by a strong government at home and impressive strides in technology. 

An Astro-Lanceur on the Moon.

There is one more civilization to consider – the long-dead kingdom of Squirpia of Super Paper Mario. Enshrouded in myth with only a few puzzling ruins left behind, the Squirpians are all but forgotten by the time its last heir, Squirp Korogaline Squirpina, is encountered in Chapter 4. In the Spanish language version, Squirps’s name is instead revealed to be Kalamarx of All Tentacles, a title befitting an ancient prince. 

The Scrappy-Doo of Super Paper Mario.

 In its era of prosperity, the might and benevolence of Squirpia was known widely. Queen Squirpina XIV, Squirps’s mother, is depicted reverentially within Flopside’s Pit of 100 Trials and implies the existence of at least fourteen generations of rulers within the kingdom before its fall. Her guarding of the Pure Heart was not without its sacrifices, as she also chose to place her son in centuries-long hibernation, ensuring one last noble of the kingdom could guide heroes through the alien architecture of Squirpia’s ruins, regrettably known in modern times as the Whoa Zone. 

 

Occasionally, making posts on this blog causes me to question how I spend my time. Captioning an image with "Squirpina XIV" is one of those moments.

Squirps’ fate as a prince out of time is tragic, his dream of a refounded kingdom touchingly naïve. As he sleeps beside a weathered statue of his mother, Squirps represents the sad end of all empires whose tentacles reach far beyond the primordial ocean; boundless and bare, the lone and level stars stretch far away.

SPIRIT: Don’t get me started on Flora Kingdom lore.